Crazy we get up to on FB
by FeatherQuill12
Summary: A real convo that happened between me and BladeChaser while we were in our Padfoot and Moony forms. Mild Wolfstar. Lots of swearing. Humorous angst. Escalates VERY quickly.


A/N - Contains swearing, offensive language and possibly angst - depending on your perspective. This was written as humour but went through some kind of change to angst in the middle… Sirius' lines are in bold for clarity and because he shouts the loudest J

It was destined to be a bad day when Sirius and Remus started throwing insults. All Sirius had done was burned a book. By accident as well!

"PRAT." Remus yelled.

**"MUTT."**

Sirius threw back.**  
**  
"FLEABAG." Remus retorted and so it went on.

**"SCARFACE."**

"INBRED."

**"DEAD MEAT."**

"PILLOCK."

**"MOONS BITCH."**

"MAN WHORE ."

**"AT LEAST I GET LAID. MADAM PINCES BITCH."**

"DEMENTOR FEELER"

"**BOOK FONDLER."**

" YOU HUMP THE FURNITURE."

**"THAT IS NOT MY FAULT, I JUST HAPPEN TO BE A DOG ANIMAGUS AND ANYWAY YOU EAT THE FURNITURE.**  
**EVEN THE FUNITURE GETS MORE THAN YOU!**"

" YOUR FAMILY'S SO FULL OF INCEST THAT YOU'RE PROBABLY RELATED TO YOURSELF!"

**" THERE HAVE BEEN THREE SIRIUS BLACKS BEFORE ME SO YOUR ARGUMENT IS IRRELEVANT AND ANYWAY YOU ARE SO FULL OF WOLF YOU 'CLEAN' YOURSELF!"**

"IT'S A SHAME YOU'RE TOO BUSY LICKING YOUR OWN BOLLOCKS TO ACTUALLY LEARN ANYTHING."

**" WELL YOU ARE SUCH A NERD THAT YOU ACTUALLY STAY AWAKE IN BINNS' CLASS."**

"YEAH, WELL YOU ARE SO LAZY YOU'D PROBABLY FALL ASLEEP ON A BROOMSTICK!"

**"THAT WAS ONCE! AND YOU ARE SO HAIRY I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE HASN'T FIGURED YOU OUT YET WOLF-BOY!"**

" WHAT LIKE NO-ONE'S FIGURED OUT THAT YOUR GAY AS THE FOURTH OF FUCKING JULY!?"

**"I HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT MANY TIMES BUT IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT PEOPLE DO NOT BELEIVE ME! BESIDES SO ARE YOU!"**

"YOUR MUM ANNOUNCED IT TOO. IN A HOWLER.!

**" I HAVE NO MOTHER AND WALBURGA IS A BITCH WITH A STUPID NAME! SHAME YOU TWO CAN'T GET TOGETHER AND FORM A STUPID NAME CLUB!"**

"HOW IS SIRIUS ANY BETTER THAN REMUS?"

**"AT LEAST MINE ISN'T FUCKING IRONIC! REMUS FROM ROMAN MYTHOLOGY WAS BROUGHT UP BY WOLVES! IT REALLY SHOWS A RESEMBLANCE!"**

" I'M CALLED REMUS BECAUSE MY DAD'S MIDDLE NAME IS ROMULUS AND AT LEAST MY SURNAME ISN'T AS FITTING AS YOURS, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN A 'BLACK' MOOD."

**"STILL IRONIC! MAYBE THEY SAW WHAT WAS COMING! AND AT LEAST MY LAST NAME ISN'T IRONIC TOO! LUPIN AS IN LATIN FOR WOLF! YOUR NAME MIGHT AS WELL BE 'LOOK I'M A WEREWOLF, HUNT ME!"**

"LUPUS IS LATIN FOR WOLF! AT LEAST I CAN ACTUALLY READ."

**" I CAN READ AND SOMEONE IS BOUND TO NOTICE YOU! EVANS DID! AND I ONLY READ BOOKS THAT INTEREST ME!"**

"LIKE WHAT, 101 PICK UP LINES GUARANTEED TO GET YOU KICKED IN THE BALLS!? AND LILY IS THE SMARTEST WITCH IN OUR YEAR!"

**"THAT BOOK WAS A FRAUD! AND YOU DON'T EXACTLY HIDE IT! GROWLING WHEN SOMETHING ANNOYS YOU! CRAP EXCUSES FOR A FULL MOON! I'M PRETTY SURE YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW!"**

"OF COURSE I WANT PEOPLE TO HATE ME AND TRY AND KILL ME! YOU SEEM TO THINK BEING A WEREWOLF IS EASY!"

**"WELL YOU KEEP MAKING IT SEEM THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD! YOU ARE HUMAN EXCEPT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS EVERY MONTH! SO YOU HAVE A TIME OF THE MONTH BUT WE HELP YOU! WE MADE OURSELVES FUCKING ANIMAGI FOR YOU!"**

"YOU THINK I'M NOT GRATEFUL!? DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THE DANGERS? I DID TRY TO STOP YOU BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUCKING ANNOYING YOU CAN BE!"

**"WELL YOU NEED TO LEARN TO HAVE FUN! MAYBE SOMETIMES YOU TURN INTO A GIANT, RAGING, BLOOD THIRSTY MONSTER BUT FOR THE REST OF THE TIME YOU ARE FUCKING MISERABLE! LIGHTEN UP!"**

"I AM FUCKING MISERABLE! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT AND YOU NEVER WILL!"

**"WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING MISERABLE! YOU NEVER TELL US ANYTHING AND THEN YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT US NOT UNDERSTANDING! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T TELL US?! YOU'RE SO SECRETIVE!"**

" I DON'T JUST SHOUT THINGS OUT LIKE YOU BUT DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE A REASON TO BE A LITTLE SECRETIVE?!"

**"WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS! YOU CAN TELL US STUFF SO WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SECRETIVE WHEN I TELL YOU EVERYTHING!?"**

"YOU DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING THAT REALLY MATTERS, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT DODGING THE TRUTH TOO YOU KNOW!"

**"YOU STILL END UP FINDING OUT ANYWAY! IT'S NOT FAIR FOR YOU TO KEEP THINGS FROM US IF THEY ARE HURTING YOU! IT WORRIES US AND YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING!"**

"SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW ME AT ALL! WE'RE LIKE BROTHERS OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT WE WERE. WHAT HURTS YOU HURTS ME!"

**" IF THAT'S TRUE THEN IT MUST WORK THE OTHER WAY AROUND SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP HURTING ME AND TELL ME WHATS WRONG!"**

"EVERYTHING IS WRONG! I'M WRONG! IT ISN'T SIMPLE LIKE IT USED TO BE, WE'RE NOT LIKE WE USED TO BE!"

**"WHY? WHY ARE YOU WRONG AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE IT USED TO BE!"**

"I'M A WEREWOLF FOR GODS SAKE! AND IT'S THIS WAR, IT'S CHANGING US AND MAKING US INTO SOMEThING WE'RE NOT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE TIME COMES FOR US TO KILL SOMEONE? A FEW YEARS AGO WE'D RATHER DIE BUT NOW?!"

**"WE HAVE NO CHOICE! WE HAVE TO DO THIS! IF WE DIDN'T HAVE TO THEN MAYBE EVERYTHING COULD BE AS IT WAS BUT IT IS HAPPENING AND WE HAVE TO DEAL! WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS BUT WE CAN'T BREAK DOWN NOW!"**

"WHY THE HELL NOT! YOU ALREADY THINK I'M WORKING FOR VOLDEMORT! WHAT'S NEXT? AM I GOING TO GO AND JOIN GREYBACK TOO!?"

**"I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE WORKING FOR VOLDEMORT! THAT WAS A STUPID IDEA THAT THAT PREJUDICED LITTLE TWAT PETER THOUGHT UP IN HIS PEA SIZED HEAD AND AT THE MOMENT MY SUSPICIONS ARE ON HIM BUT YOU WILL NOT BREAK DOWN NOW AND YOU NEED TO STAY WITH US BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU ARE GONNA GET KILLED!"**

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I JUST WANT IT DONE! YOU CAN WADE IN BLOOD UP TO YOUR SHOULDERS AND LEAD THE REST TO VICTORY AND WHATEVER THAT REALLY MEANS! I JUST WANT TO BE FREE!"

**" MOONY! I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT BUT IF YOU RUN NOW YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THEM SO PLEASE HELP US FIGHT JUST FOR ONE DAY AND AFTER I SWEAR WE WILL BE OKAY!"**

"YOU KNOW I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU TO FIGHT ALONE EVEN IF I WANTED TO! I JUST CAN'T HELP THINKING THAT WE'RE SURE TO LOSE!"

**"WE WONT! WE CANT NOT WIN! YOU HAVE READ THOSE CRAPPY FANTASY BOOKS AND WHO ALWAYS WINS IN THE END?! THE GOOD SIDE! TRUST DUMBLEDORE AND HELP US AND WE WONT LOSE!"**

"I TRUST DUMBLEDORE WITH MY LIFE BUT EVEN YOU MUST HAVE NOTICED THAT HE'S LOSING HOPE!"

**"I KNOW! EVERYONE DOES BUT JUST IMAGINE OUR FUTURE IF WE LET THEM WIN!"**

"I KNOW. IN CASE WE DON'T MAKE IT TILL THE END SIRIUS, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I CARE! FOR ALL OF YOU BUT YOU THE MOST. ALWAYS YOU."

**"I KNOW MOONY. RIGHT BACK AT CHA!"**

And so Sirius was forgiven.


End file.
